Its ok not to be ok ??

How many times have you heard this phrase ?

Just sit and think… I am sure you have heard it a lot

I myself know that I could not keep track of how many times I have been told this during my recovery journey.

Yes, I believe that this can help to reduce stigma attached to mental health conditions. However, on the other hand I often wonder, is this phrase now normalising mental illnesses and poor-mental well-being? And in some ways is this making it a craze/trend to be feeling so low that you just see know way out of the very dark tunnel?

I know that I have found myself questioning the point in continuing to fight for my own recovery as if everyone is telling me that “its ok not to be ok” then maybe this is just how everyone feels so if there is no hope for me to feel different then what is the point.

When struggling with poor mental health we often find ourselves being compared to those with physical illnesses and being told “others have it so much worse” or “just pull yourself together” however mental illnesses can be just as debilitating as physical illnesses. Disclaimer I am in no way saying that physical illnesses are not as difficult or traumatic however would you ever say to someone going through heart failure that “it’s ok that your heart is not working properly? I highly doubt it therefore why is it acceptable throughout society for our mental health struggles to just be brushed under the carpet by being told that its ok not to be ok.

Is it ok to hate yourself so much that you think that the world would be so much better without you in it or is it ok to punish yourself after every bit of food you consume? No, it’s not! In Northern Ireland alone more than 20% of young people are suffering from “significant mental health problems” by their 18th birthday. Plus, the overall prevalence of mental health problems in Northern Ireland is estimated to be 20% higher than in England or Scotland yet in NI there is 30% less funding.

Yet stigma still continues and not being ok is still being normalised. Being told “its ok not to be ok” is actually patronising and can result in us feeling unable to share or speak up about our struggles.

This type of positivity is really becoming toxic as it is not only invalidating our own emotional state but often it causes us to experience an increase in the intensity of the secondary emotions which we are feeling.

Similarly, when constantly being addressed with positive affirmations as a way of others providing support, overtime it can make us feel that are struggles are just being pushed aside. However generally such affirmation are used with good intentions but when we are in periods of heightened distress this can be hard for us to recognise.

We must continuously remind ourselves that no matter how we are feeling or what emotions we are experiencing we are allowed to feel this way as our feelings are always valid and we do not need to put on a brave face and pretend that everything is ok. As no one is happy all the time. However, we must remember that it is not ok to continue to feel this so we must do everything in our power to help ourselves and promote an overall positive mental well-being.

It’s similar to the idea that we are often told that medication or therapy will “fix” you however this really is not the case. We are human and are not merely an object. Yes, we can get better and there is always hope however to do so we ourselves must put in the work to make the change happen.

So yes, it is ok not to be ok but I believe that in order for society to move forward in a way of being more acceptant of poor mental health that this phrase needs to be changed to “its ok not to be ok right now”.

We all can get better and reach a stage where we are able to show ourselves much more self-love. But we need to stick together and accept support from others as no matter what we are led to believe we cannot do this alone.

Remember your story isn’t over yet !

Nothing is ever permanent, even sharpies don’t last forever!!!

Lots of love,

Hope, discovery, and me xx